yosuke "thinking abt his besties junk" hanamura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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expiationlogs2023-12-09 03:50 pm
garbagecanned) wrote in expiationlogs2023-12-09 03:50 pm
garbagecanned) wrote in expiationlogs2023-12-09 03:50 pm
yu.....................
it's the last thing he hears... and also the first thing.
he sits up in panic in his bed, clutching his chest tightly. he's breathing heavily--
wait. breathing? he's breathing?
he clenches at his chest even more. he looks down to see if there's any blood... no blood. no gaping hole where his heart should've been. he was breathing. his heart is... beating? he's in a bed. his bed. his bed in Aldrip that's next to Yu's. all of this is starting to percolate in his mind, dripping into some sense of reality. somehow.
he's alive? he remembers dying. he remembers being lifted up by that monster, even if he doesn't even want to begin to wonder what happened after that. this has got to be some sort of death-dream, or afterlife. this doesn't just happen where he just comes back to life.
right?
he's shaking a little now, nervous at what he's going to find next. he knows he should get out of bed, look and investigate... but the fear of the unknown is keeping him cemented to the bed.
so for now, he's going to try to calm himself and his rapidly beating heart that shouldn't be beating before he figures out his next step.]
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Doesn't take an expert to hear that someone's already there, rustling around in the bedroom.
Golf club by the entryway. He grabs it before quietly padding into the bedroom -- the door's open, just like he left it. Still messy. Somewhat ironically, Aldrip isn't known for high crime rates, so he's even more determined to catch whomever would dare to sneak into someone's room like this.
Brandishing the golf club like a weapon, he silently heads for the light switch, a few feet from Yosuke's bed. He'll take the person by surprise and hit them as soon as he turns on the light, he determines, but once he flips the switch, he--
--stops. Stares.
His arms drop to his sides.
It...it must be a trick. A prank. A dream. Something. Right now, he doesn't ask -- he can't, he's holding his breath, stunned and silently working out what in the hell he's really seeing, here.]
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the door opens, closes... and then he sees him. his best friend, first with a raised golf club, then recognizing him too.]
Yu...
[his voice sounds kind of pitiful, choked. his grip tenses on the sheets of his bed.]
Don't tell me... you--you died, too...
[there's so much going on in his head right now, that it's almost impossible to process it all. this has to be the afterlife.
right?]
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No.
[When he finally chokes the word out, it's like all the fight leaves his body all at once. He drops the golf club, hands balling into fists at his sides, and while he'd sort of like to slug Yosuke in the face, he doesn't. Can't.
Instead he does the next best thing, as he finally remembers how to breathe. He flings his arms around the other boy's shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug. He can't explain what's going on, but something in his chest clenches at the tone of Yosuke's voice. Yosuke's. Because somehow--]
You're back.
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it feels so real.
Yosuke immediately moves to wrap his arms around Yu and grabs fistfuls of the back of his shirt, as if he's still trying to prove it's real. that he's not dreaming... or in an afterlife. he's shaking from the fear and overall emotion that's going through his mind and body right now, and some tears fall, even if he doesn't want them to.]
I don't know how... [he sounds so pathetic right now.] But if you say it's real... then it's gotta be true.
[he's still trying to reassure himself.]
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He doesn't even want to think about it, and besides, somehow it is. They're gripping each other so tight that it's almost a struggle to breathe, to move, to speak. Could a dream do that? An illusion? Yu...doesn't think so. He doesn't want to think so.]
It is, [he says, partially to himself. He sounds certain, though maybe not as certain as he'd like. But can you blame him? There's something so impossible about all of this, and anyway, Yosuke doesn't sound too sure either.
What the hell. How is this even happening?
The events from the last few weeks replay in Yu's mind -- he doesn't want them there, but it's sort of habitual, by now. It doesn't help, in the end; it only serves to remind him of how awful everything has been. His arms tighten just a bit around the other boy.]
You idiot...!
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but at being called an idiot, he laughs in a shaky way.]
Better me than you.
[even though Yu probably won't see it like that, but Yosuke definitely does.]
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--That is, until Yosuke speaks.
He disentangles himself all at once, solidly puts his hands on Yosuke's shoulders, and pushes him back just enough to make eye contact.]
Don't you ever do that again.
[In Yu's expression is an intensity usually reserved for battle. Their last fight in the TV world had been bad enough, watching his friends push him out of the way, taking every hit for him. This...this had been so much worse than the Thousand Curses, because Yosuke didn't come back from it -- not like before. Doesn't...
... Doesn't he understand how scared Yu was?
The expression cracks a bit at the thought; just a twitch of his eyebrows, but betraying more vulnerability than he usually cares to.]
Ever. I mean it.
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but...]
I can't promise that.
[he rubs at his eyes to get rid of the tears with the back of his hand, and he stares at Yu in the face to try to match his intensity.]
I'd do it again if it meant that you'd be safe.
[even though Yosuke had been scared and sad and mad and everything in between... it's a solution that he would repeat again. in any instance where it would be just one of them who made it out... it was going to be Yu.]
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We're supposed to be a team. Making the tough calls together.
[--he has to believe there's a better way.
Yosuke is stubborn. He gets that. But it's not right for him to make that call by himself -- not when it puts such a burden on Yu's shoulders after the fact. Yosuke had been the one to put a label on them, anyway. Partners. That's supposed to mean something...right?]
I know you've got my back. I want you to trust that I have yours, too.
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[not that magic and all that jazz is the only way to fight, but up against something like that...
he tries to make eye contact with Yu now, his fists clenching on the blanket again.]
Even without your Personas... you're someone. You can do whatever you want, be whoever you wanna be. You've made a difference in everyone's lives and you'll keep doing that wherever you go. [his voice gets a little shaky.] And me? I'm just some guy that lives in Inaba.
[he rubs at his eyes with the back of his hand, trying not to start crying again.]
I know you have my back, too. Every other decision I make we can make together. But this... I can't let you die for me. Ever.
[ah hell, he's crying again.]
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...
In a sense, he's always been right at the heart of the team. The goofy grin, the voice of common sense, the shamelessness. The ability to do truly insane things without seeming to care how other people felt about it. Right now, however, Yu chooses a more selfish argument. It takes a moment for him to find the words; even when he does, it's his actions that speak first. He puts a hand to the back of Yosuke's neck, drawing him closer, close enough that their foreheads almost touch. Close enough that Yosuke won't miss the seriousness in his stormy gaze. He hasn't shed any tears over this -- he thought he was fully out, to be honest-- but his eyes have a watery sheen all the same. He holds his best friend there, demanding his full attention by way of proximity.]
And I can't do any of that without you. [He let's his words hang in the air for another moment, and then exhales.] What makes you think it was any easier for me to watch you die?
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I never said... it should be easy.
[he sounds a little hoarse, if only because he's trying to keep himself in control right now.]
But if the choice came down to it. I'm telling you, I'm replaceable. You're not.
[maybe it's his own bias telling him this... but in his mind, he's 100% correct in his assumption.]
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Once Yosuke scrubs an arm across his eyes, Yu presses their foreheads together. It's too close, probably. Too personal. But he can't let the other's gaze move away even for a second.]
Not to me.
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You can't say stuff like that.
[he'll move his hand to the side of Yu's face, opening his eyes as he does it. this is very homosexual, but Yosuke doesn't think much of it at all in the moment. it just feels right to do, he thinks.]
It makes you sound like one of those corny hero types...
[it's an attempt at trying to make a joke, but it kind of falls flat, even to himself. because he's still highkey too upset to make it a lighthearted comment.]
Even though you already are.
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No. Maybe especially that.]
If I'm the hero, I can say whatever I want.
[Levity, again, but it falls just as flat for him. The smile that flickers across his face is fleeting, dying almost as soon as it appears, replaced by an uncomfortable silence that can't hide the sound of their breathing, the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. He has the sudden, somewhat insane urge to reach for more, to close in, and he finds himself moving closer, tilting his head just a bit until their noses are almost close enough to touch.
...
A few moments later, he pulls back, as if suddenly waking from a spell, something difficult to read flashing in his expression.]
I mean it, though.
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and then it's gone. what feels like cold air replaces it, and he leans forward as if he's trying to catch himself from falling.
what... was that? his heart is beating entirely too fast, and his face feels red hot. whatever kind of expression that Yu might be portraying right now is lost on Yosuke because internally, he's losing his damn mind.
did they.. almost kiss? why had Yosuke leaned in like that?]
... Yeah.
[his voice is kind of breathy, and it's pretty obvious he didn't hear a damn word Yu said.]
Okay.
[say something, dumbass]
I need food.
[nailed it]
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...
That couldn't be it. Somewhat still in shock, Yu is quiet for a moment, trying to take in his best friend's expression as he steadies his own breathing. His cheeks feel hot, tinged very lightly with pink. The silence just makes it worse, because now he's questioning everything, each time their eyes meet--
I need food. Those three words break the tension all at once. His cheeks still feel warm, but he exhales a soft laugh as he moves back, making more room for him.]
... Makes sense. Wanna check the fridge?
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at least the silence gets broken... he was about to die (again) in the awkward.
he sits up more, and then starts to get up, stretching as he does so. he's a little stiff, as if he hadn't moved in a while... but not bad. he smiles at Yu, trying to brush off what almost happened as Just Weirdness.]
Cooked anything good lately?
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Ah. What a question, though. Yu runs a hand against the back of his neck, heading for the kitchen.]
... I haven't spent a lot of time here recently. [Three guesses why.] There might be some leftovers, though.
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That works too. Or... we could just go out and grab something. If you want.
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Anyway, it takes a second of thought, but in the end, Yu sort of figures that Yosuke could probably use some fresh air and movement after...everything. So he hums thoughtfully and then gestures at the genkan.]
Let's go out. [uhhhh not like that--] --and see what we can find.
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but... he's so glad to be back.]