yosuke "thinking abt his besties junk" hanamura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
garbagecanned) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
expiationlogs2023-12-09 03:50 pm
garbagecanned) wrote in expiationlogs2023-12-09 03:50 pm
garbagecanned) wrote in expiationlogs2023-12-09 03:50 pm
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but at being called an idiot, he laughs in a shaky way.]
Better me than you.
[even though Yu probably won't see it like that, but Yosuke definitely does.]
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--That is, until Yosuke speaks.
He disentangles himself all at once, solidly puts his hands on Yosuke's shoulders, and pushes him back just enough to make eye contact.]
Don't you ever do that again.
[In Yu's expression is an intensity usually reserved for battle. Their last fight in the TV world had been bad enough, watching his friends push him out of the way, taking every hit for him. This...this had been so much worse than the Thousand Curses, because Yosuke didn't come back from it -- not like before. Doesn't...
... Doesn't he understand how scared Yu was?
The expression cracks a bit at the thought; just a twitch of his eyebrows, but betraying more vulnerability than he usually cares to.]
Ever. I mean it.
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but...]
I can't promise that.
[he rubs at his eyes to get rid of the tears with the back of his hand, and he stares at Yu in the face to try to match his intensity.]
I'd do it again if it meant that you'd be safe.
[even though Yosuke had been scared and sad and mad and everything in between... it's a solution that he would repeat again. in any instance where it would be just one of them who made it out... it was going to be Yu.]
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We're supposed to be a team. Making the tough calls together.
[--he has to believe there's a better way.
Yosuke is stubborn. He gets that. But it's not right for him to make that call by himself -- not when it puts such a burden on Yu's shoulders after the fact. Yosuke had been the one to put a label on them, anyway. Partners. That's supposed to mean something...right?]
I know you've got my back. I want you to trust that I have yours, too.
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[not that magic and all that jazz is the only way to fight, but up against something like that...
he tries to make eye contact with Yu now, his fists clenching on the blanket again.]
Even without your Personas... you're someone. You can do whatever you want, be whoever you wanna be. You've made a difference in everyone's lives and you'll keep doing that wherever you go. [his voice gets a little shaky.] And me? I'm just some guy that lives in Inaba.
[he rubs at his eyes with the back of his hand, trying not to start crying again.]
I know you have my back, too. Every other decision I make we can make together. But this... I can't let you die for me. Ever.
[ah hell, he's crying again.]
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...
In a sense, he's always been right at the heart of the team. The goofy grin, the voice of common sense, the shamelessness. The ability to do truly insane things without seeming to care how other people felt about it. Right now, however, Yu chooses a more selfish argument. It takes a moment for him to find the words; even when he does, it's his actions that speak first. He puts a hand to the back of Yosuke's neck, drawing him closer, close enough that their foreheads almost touch. Close enough that Yosuke won't miss the seriousness in his stormy gaze. He hasn't shed any tears over this -- he thought he was fully out, to be honest-- but his eyes have a watery sheen all the same. He holds his best friend there, demanding his full attention by way of proximity.]
And I can't do any of that without you. [He let's his words hang in the air for another moment, and then exhales.] What makes you think it was any easier for me to watch you die?
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I never said... it should be easy.
[he sounds a little hoarse, if only because he's trying to keep himself in control right now.]
But if the choice came down to it. I'm telling you, I'm replaceable. You're not.
[maybe it's his own bias telling him this... but in his mind, he's 100% correct in his assumption.]
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Once Yosuke scrubs an arm across his eyes, Yu presses their foreheads together. It's too close, probably. Too personal. But he can't let the other's gaze move away even for a second.]
Not to me.
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You can't say stuff like that.
[he'll move his hand to the side of Yu's face, opening his eyes as he does it. this is very homosexual, but Yosuke doesn't think much of it at all in the moment. it just feels right to do, he thinks.]
It makes you sound like one of those corny hero types...
[it's an attempt at trying to make a joke, but it kind of falls flat, even to himself. because he's still highkey too upset to make it a lighthearted comment.]
Even though you already are.
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No. Maybe especially that.]
If I'm the hero, I can say whatever I want.
[Levity, again, but it falls just as flat for him. The smile that flickers across his face is fleeting, dying almost as soon as it appears, replaced by an uncomfortable silence that can't hide the sound of their breathing, the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. He has the sudden, somewhat insane urge to reach for more, to close in, and he finds himself moving closer, tilting his head just a bit until their noses are almost close enough to touch.
...
A few moments later, he pulls back, as if suddenly waking from a spell, something difficult to read flashing in his expression.]
I mean it, though.
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and then it's gone. what feels like cold air replaces it, and he leans forward as if he's trying to catch himself from falling.
what... was that? his heart is beating entirely too fast, and his face feels red hot. whatever kind of expression that Yu might be portraying right now is lost on Yosuke because internally, he's losing his damn mind.
did they.. almost kiss? why had Yosuke leaned in like that?]
... Yeah.
[his voice is kind of breathy, and it's pretty obvious he didn't hear a damn word Yu said.]
Okay.
[say something, dumbass]
I need food.
[nailed it]
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...
That couldn't be it. Somewhat still in shock, Yu is quiet for a moment, trying to take in his best friend's expression as he steadies his own breathing. His cheeks feel hot, tinged very lightly with pink. The silence just makes it worse, because now he's questioning everything, each time their eyes meet--
I need food. Those three words break the tension all at once. His cheeks still feel warm, but he exhales a soft laugh as he moves back, making more room for him.]
... Makes sense. Wanna check the fridge?
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at least the silence gets broken... he was about to die (again) in the awkward.
he sits up more, and then starts to get up, stretching as he does so. he's a little stiff, as if he hadn't moved in a while... but not bad. he smiles at Yu, trying to brush off what almost happened as Just Weirdness.]
Cooked anything good lately?
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Ah. What a question, though. Yu runs a hand against the back of his neck, heading for the kitchen.]
... I haven't spent a lot of time here recently. [Three guesses why.] There might be some leftovers, though.
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That works too. Or... we could just go out and grab something. If you want.
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Anyway, it takes a second of thought, but in the end, Yu sort of figures that Yosuke could probably use some fresh air and movement after...everything. So he hums thoughtfully and then gestures at the genkan.]
Let's go out. [uhhhh not like that--] --and see what we can find.
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but... he's so glad to be back.]