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expiationlogs2024-04-01 04:57 pm
invinciblemikey) wrote in expiationlogs2024-04-01 04:57 pm
Entry tags:
(open & closed) broken hearts are made for two, one for me and one for you
Who: manjiro & you
Where: through aldrip for the month of april
What: it's the moment previous to his snapping, enjoy him semi-sane in here...
Warnings: violence, murder, dissociation, blood, more dissociation, ego death, existential shit thanks
i hope you make it out alive. ♪
Where: through aldrip for the month of april
What: it's the moment previous to his snapping, enjoy him semi-sane in here...
Warnings: violence, murder, dissociation, blood, more dissociation, ego death, existential shit thanks
i hope you make it out alive. ♪
(yu) you're so brave, stone cold crazy for loving me;
the dojo is one of the things that bring his mind into further dismay. he remembers these walls, remembers how the place looked even bigger when he was younger. a place so far from this one, and yet, he feels incredibly displaced walking through hallways he feels are his own and aren't, all the same. one thing always makes sense - yu doesn't seem to be home, and working that tiny pocket-sized tablet isn't going too good for him, so.
the fighting sounds as he kicks the punching will make clear manjiro's home once yu arrives. it's fine.)
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The twists and turns that Aldrip has taken on are utterly foreign, and he gets turned around more than once, but in the end, he does finally manage it -- though he hesitates at the door. Why? Is he afraid he'll find the place empty, or that he'll find the people he's looking for? It's hard to say, for sure. Either way, he lingers in the genkan for a while, back pressed against the wall as he sits, sorting things out. There's an ache behind his eyes, throbbing in his head, but every time he closes his eyes he sees--
"They found a dead body--"
"The entire town! It's filled with shadows!"
"You actually did it! You destroyed evidence--"
"We avenged you, Nanako--"
Yu stands with a shaky exhale that sounds as exhausted and worn as he feels. He can sort this out later --what's going on? what's happening to him?-- but for now, it's all too raw to face.
This-- is easier.
He stands in the doorway for a moment, just...watching Mikey kick the bag. Observing him, maybe, the differences between right now and their encounter in March. Watching someone he's come to care for aim a gun to his head--
Adachi, pulling the trigger, watching him as he boards the train and laughing--
It's not real. (Right?) Don't think about it. The punching bag rattles on its chain as Mikey's foot makes impact again.]
Looks like it's no match for you.
[In any other case, there might be a smile to go along with those words. Right now, he doesn't even try.]
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he's thankful that he's not facing the boy, because it gives him a moment to breathe in, close his eyes and almost beg for the impulse to return later as he squeezes his eyelids shut.)
Nothing really is.
(it's what invincible means, isn't it? he sighs, only to turn around to look at the boy that makes his heart jump a little in his chest
heshouldleaveheshouldleaveheshouldleave
he will stay. just a little more. as much as he can. so, his toes support his weight as he lifts himself to take a good look once he comes close to the other boy's face.)
You should eat something, Yuchin. Lookin' like you've seen a ghost.
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And yet--
When he does, when their gazes finally cross, it doesn't help. It just reminds Yu of everything else, of how jumbled his memories have become in the aftermath.
Curse. Dark impulses. Violent urges. Revenge -- the look on Namatame's face as Yu pushes him into the TV--
--don't think about it. It's so hard not to think about it. "I'm fine," he wants to say, not because he wants to lie but because he so desperately wants it to be true. In this moment, with everything Mikey's just been through-- he wants to be okay, needs to be okay, in order to be able to face it all. But his head feels like it's tearing in a dozen different directions, and it's so hard just to focus, and he doesn't want to lie--]
Not sure I can. [Not with his stomach in knots and his head feeling like it's on sideways. His eyes flick over Mikey's face.] Feels like I've seen a ghost, too.
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attention is expensive to pay
until he stops at the casino, that is no longer--
his. no longer his in territory, in memory, it doesn't even bear the machines, the staff, whatever happened to them? -- event center?
there's nothing going on in here tonight, but the entire place is glowing with light as manjiro turns every switch, trying to see what isn't there. his hands hover over ghosts of the tables as if he is truly feeling them against his fingertips, of the machines, the counter, the bar--
claude?
no.
a bizarre sight indeed.)
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Aldrip has always been strange, granted. But it was a strangeness that Claude could wrap his head around. It's his second time immigrating, if it could even be called that; to get used to new languages, new social norms, new people, new modes of religion. But this drastic shift in appearance, in technology, in scope, in size?
For a man from the sort of place Claude is from, it's difficult to wrap his head around. He's determined to do it anyway, of course, but he hates the feeling as though he's struggling to catch up and keep up, that he'll always be a couple steps behind everyone by virtue of necessity, even as he tries to unscramble the strange memories that have taken root in his mind. Which is why he winds up leaving the city outright to go hunting, something that always seems to clear his mind. On his way back from selling his hunt, a brace of rabbits at his side for his dinner that night, he finds his feet taking him back to a familiar place, one that his mind keeps on trying to remind him of even as he tries to shed those strange memories.
He stops to stare up at the casino, his profile cast in light from the machines within. He looks far unlike the facade he had presented in that other world; gone is the unbuttoned dress shirt and deliberately disheveled appearance, replaced with layers of clothing functional for a long hunt, his hair now appropriately slicked back, something reserved in the set of his shoulders. Gone, too, is the memory of peace, replaced with a massive bow and quiver of arrows strapped to his back, his hunt still dangling from his side. This version of him may be better. It may be worse. He can't seem to muddle together what he thinks about it.
At least that past version of him never killed anyone. But as he glances to the side, he finds that his companion in gawking looks just as lost as he feels. ]
Hey. [ He squints. ] Don't I know you? [ His mouth moves before his mind properly registers it. ] It's... Manjiro...?
[ That can't be right. This is just a kid. His son? No, that makes no sense either. Did Manjiro ever really exist? ]
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the voice, however, snaps him right back to reality. it's-- a face he recognizes, a familar and comfortable one that is clouded with the realization that, maybe, it's not him. can't be him. too dressed. if shinji was telling him the truth, and manjiro believes he is, then that man never existed. this is who he is.
the same vacant eyes that stared at claude with fondness now do the same, but with a layer of confusion clouding it, his eyebrows furrowing.)
... Yeah, that's me. This is you, mhm?
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[ He's not sure how to take that, really. The Manjiro he remembers... well, it's something he's been trying not to remember, strange enough to make a flush rise up the back of his neck, blissfully covered by his jacket's collar. That had been a different him. Freer in some respects. Better in some ways. Worse in a lot of others. It's barely worth considering, except for the fact that he can't pretend as though he doesn't remember it, not when half the people here are the same - or similar - as to who they were in the past.
Except for Manjiro, apparently. That listless gaze speaks of the depressive nature he had grown accustomed to. But he looks... ]
You're younger in this world. I didn't know that was even possible.
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fuck you its my free will (cw npc death mentioned)
in the late hours of the night, nearing morning, manjiro strolls so as not to call too much attention to his bike's engine sound. it takes him half an hour, his knuckles bloodied and the furthermost abandoned building is absolved out of any dirt that might be taking their less than legal business there. it's his. it'll stay his until he moves.
for now, he can wait. it's not so bad he can wait wait wait wait
next thing he notices, he's at the hot springs, no longer bloodied from a shower at least, body half soaked in one of the pools, heat unknotting his muscles after the fight. he's got cuts on his face, bruises that are now a blend of red, purple, and blue.
oh, damn. okay then.)
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Not too far off, there's a shiba inu who's lending a paw as well, nudging a damp cloth along the floor to help scrub it clean.
As some of the steam from the hot springs clears and he catches a glimpse of today's visitor, Minato realizes he recognizes them. ]
...Manjiro?
[ There's been an uptick in crime around Aldrip. He's quickly reminded of this, given the bloodied and bruised state of the others' face. ]
...are you okay?
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his head tilts back, and for a second, i'm sorry minato, shiba inu wins his attention, whistling to get his attention for a lil' pet.)
Mhm? Ah. Yeah. Fine. Bar fight, wanted to let people get a few punches in for fairness purposes. You good, Minato?
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Shiba Inu does wander over to Manjiro, cloth still clutched in his mouth. Only when he's close enough for Manjiro to give him pets does he lower it to the floor. His mouth is freed, allowing him to offer a friendly bark.
Minato, on the other hand, continues to stare with mild concern. ]
...yeah.
[ Even if it was "for fairness purposes," isn't this a little severe? And in any event, yeah, Minato is... definitely good compared to the state Manjiro's in. ]
I can heal you, if you want.
[ He's not going to force it on Manjiro, even if he thinks it's a good idea. ]
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cw gun/suicidal imagery evoker times
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thats it thats the tag
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tiny burst of optimism in them
he rests at the city square, grease covering the blonde locks and smeared onto fair skin as he attempts to put some bike parts together along with some of the stuff shinichiro left at the shed that once were his workstation - now is manjiro's room.
maybe something can come out of it. who knows.
unfortunately, with those greasy hands, the screwdriver he was employing slips through, rolling, rolling, rolling...
until it hits a shoe.)
Yo, can you get me that?
(sir its full of GREASE)
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I'm guessing you didn't get that here?
[Though with the update of the city maybe he did.
Maybe Levi can find one.]no subject
(... he is almost forcing that fact into his mind.)
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[He liked motorcycles, though he'd never owned one and never really used one.]
Do you want any help?
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The sound of an engine is distinctive, and there's only a few choices as to what it could be. He hears it from far off, rolling in the distance, shifting with gears and turns and whatever other changes need to be made to drive through the old growth. Manjiro, probably.
The noise grows louder, though eventually seems to find a place to make it's home: coming to an idle, then to a stop. It tales a while for Shinjiro to walk far enough to see it-- long enough for Manjiro to work on looting the bunker tucked down into the floor of the woods.]
...Hey.
[He can't tell if the guy looks more or less like shit. More, probably. After all, the false life they'd all been supplied had hit him especially hard. While Shinjiro looks extremely similar to his Aldrip-native self, there's a stark difference in how he moves and carries himself-- shoulders and head slightly down, hands in his pockets. More careful and thoughtful, rather than rashly ready to burst in and give a crime lord a piece of his mind.]
You just riding out here? [The pile of mechanical bullshit tells him otherwise, but he'll at least make conversation.]
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he doesn't know which kid he prefers, the one who was fun, impulsive like this version of him is, was, tends to be?, or simply the person he finds comfortable to simply be around doing absolutely nothing, with his own background that molds the person he is.
probably both, for different moments, but manjiro isn't going to say it. instead, he's looking at what he was able to accomplish in his little loot farming. some engines, some nice tools, some things that could definitely go on a bike.
but he looks out of it still. distant, a smile that he is putting on simply out of habit when things get hard. shinjiro is not the one he's trying to fool - it's himself. it's what being delulu does.)
Nah, I wanted to find some bike stuff. I got what my brother left in the dojo, but I want to see what I can put together. The fuck you doing in the middle of fuckwhere?
i know what will make you feel better
ah, it's been a very long time since he has worn his black belt. it feels just right against his waist, and today, he decides to have private sessions before joining everyone in a simulated fight. it's better so he can see where they could be better individually, how they can be even better - he's not a bad teacher for this, at least.
manjiro's a tough one, though. after 30 minutes of high training, he finally whistles to illustrate a break.)
Grab water, and if you feel like you gon' pass out, you gotta tell me so I run to the kitchen to get you something to eat. You cool there?
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[Kotone lowers her water bottle from her lips and gives Mikey a thumbs-up and a smile. She doesn't always come to the dojo, but after all the weirdness of the past month... it's not a bad idea to make sure she's still in fighting shape. Hand-to-hand had never really been her thing -- she'd prefer her naginata -- but it's still good to know.
Plus, it's a chance to hang out with a friend. So even if it's tiring to practice like this, she shows no signs of giving up. In contrast to her usual happy-go-lucky nature, she focuses intently on her form as Mikey directs her, because even someone like her (or especially someone like her) knows how important it is.]
Are you having fun?
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interesting to see a little fire on her eyes, though. different from minato, who's eyes he's trying to ignite a little bit.)
I'm fine. Fun for me is knocking out 40 plus men. Are you?
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[It's not fighting Shadows, but it's still important to train. Maybe now more than ever; sure, Minato's here to watch out for everybody, but she doesn't want to fall behind, either, if that makes sense? It's a weird feeling -- knowing she has somebody to rely on, but wanting to make sure that she doesn't hold them back, either.]
It's different from the training I'm used to, but I'll do my best.
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rolls in late af
Had she'd not recognised the teacher she would have just kept moving and looking for Yu or Yosuke. So he lived with them? They'd mentioned that, but she'd not met them... Or she hadn't thought she had.
She waited for a pause. Giving him a nod, a polite smile once he called for break.]
I can see what you mean the last time we met.
[Impressive.]
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Oh. It's you. What you doin' in my place? Gon tell me I can't be left alone here either?
(grudges...)
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Pardon? I believe I did what you asked and let you be, nor did I mention your activities. [Hmph, just gonna put her hand on her hip. Standing as tall as she could...All five foot of her.]
My senpai told me this was their place of residence. With an invitation to stay now that my time at the inn is coming to an end.
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